it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
