All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The adults are the big ones right?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
