when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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