I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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