wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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