What a fucking waste of an outfit
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
