a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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