is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
