You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
