First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
