This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
