I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize