Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
