woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
