I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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