I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
