jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
