I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
