Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
