She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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