I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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