Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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