Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm passing your future prison.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
