i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
