**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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