Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
