were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
