At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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