i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
