Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
