some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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