I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
