Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
