i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
