Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
