We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
