i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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