Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
