In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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