he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
