Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
