So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
