I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Couch. On fire.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
