when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
