my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I sprained my soul last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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