You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
