The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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