he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
