Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
