he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
