No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
