The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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