Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
