matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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