Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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