Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
