im holly from the hills drunk
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
