stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
