I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
