you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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