soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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